Songtexte übersetzen?

[desgraca]

i'm walking down a long cold alley
shadows are moving no matter what i'm looking at/where i turn my head/where i'm looking
deprived people are leaning to ugly building/house walls,
reaching out with a hand, silently begging for help

water is running from the plates/flooring(vielleicht hat einer nochn anderes wort?) down the gutter
from the run-down houses a smell of cheap food is arising
screams are filling the uncomfortable silence
the fear is almost taking my breath away
Life has left its marks
there's but a ruin left where once there was a wall
Light made room for/gave way to darkness
poverty has won (das aber nur konkrete armut, keine armut im übertragenen sinn)
there's no way around desperation
no light, no bravery (hier fände ich auch "no guts" gut), no life

darkness is rising like bleak/dreary/dusty/gloomy fog,
makes everything look frightening/menacing
i feel like i can hear steps from behind, following me
scared as i am i dare to take a look over my shoulder
there's nothing (there) but darkness, steam and stench

a child is sitting on the stairs with a stray dog
looking at me with big, desperate/distressed eyes
that sad, hopeless, miserable look of these innocent eyes
is locked/(holding on )/(clinging) to my neck while i'm stumbling on

i'm squinting my eyes, i can hardly see(anything)
the shadows seem to break my bones
i feel it's not the fog that clogs my sight
it's my tears, spurred by the desperation of this place.

 

[Ceci25]

woooooooooooooooooooow das ging ja rassiiiiiiig!!!

ich schaus mal an.. wenn noch jemand ergänzungen hat oder so, bitteschön

 

[x-Riff]

Ich versuch mal was - eher so als Alternative zu nate. Was falsch ist oder so gnadenlos streichen.
Aber wenn ich schon mal auf pole position 2 bin ... :

i'm walking down a long cold alley
shadows are moving no matter what i'm looking
at/where i turn my head/where i'm looking
wherever I am looking ?
deprived people are leaning to ugly building/house walls
the deprieved
reaching out with a hand, silently begging for help
mouthes shut, hands begging for help

water is running from the plates/flooring(vielleicht hat einer nochn anderes wort?) down the gutter
water is flowing down the plaster into the gutter
from the run-down houses a smell of cheap food is arising
screams are filling the uncomfortable silence
screams cut through the menacing silance
the fear is almost cutting my breath away
the fear nearly takes my breath (away)

Life has left its marks
life gets short of breath
there's but a ruin left where once there was a wall
and the walls are lacking bricks
Light made room for/gave way to darkness
poverty has won (das aber nur konkrete armut, keine armut im übertragenen sinn)
there's no way around desperation
desperation is overwhelming
no light, bravery (hier fände ich auch "no guts" gut), no lifedarness is rising like bleak/dreary/dusty/gloomy fog,
makes everything look frightening/menacing
i feel like i can hear steps from behind, following me
scared as i am i dare to take a look over my shoulder
there's nothing (there) but darkness, steam and stench

a child is sitting on the stairs with a stray dog
looking at me with big, desperate/distressed eyes
that sad, hopeless, miserable look of these innocent eyes
is locked/(holding on )/(clinging) to my neck while i'm stumbling on
will follow me while I´m stumbling on

i'm squinting my eyes, i can hardly see (anything)
the shadows seem to break my bones
i feel it's not the fog that clogs my sight
it's my tears, spurred by the desperation of this place.

Yo - das ist das, was mir dazu eingefallen ist.

x-Riff

 

[Ceci25]

supi, vielen Dank!

es stimmen aber beide Versionen??

 

[x-Riff]

nate hat mal über meine Sachen drübergeschaut - war wohl in Ordnung.

the deprived in meiner Variante meint dann eher "die Gruppe der Heruntergekommenen" - also nicht die einzelnen Menschen, sondern sowas wie Klasse oder Schicht.

Es sind Alternativen.
Nate hat sehr eng entlang Deines Textes übersetzt - und das ist ein Herangehensweise bei Übersetzungen. Ich habe in songtexten halt gerne Alliterationen und sowas - und das ist eine andere Herangehensweise. Falsch ist eigentlich nur, wenn etwas sprachlich überhaupt nicht geht oder den Inhalt falsch übersetzt.

Der Rest einer Übersetzung geht dann eher um Rhythmus, Bilder, Wortwahl, mitschwingende Assoziationen, Reime etc. Das ist dann Geschmacksache.


x-Riff

 

[Ceci25]

ja, ist mir vorallem wichtig dass es grammatikalisch stimmt... den Rest (die einzelnen Varianten) kann ich dann je nach Rhythmus usw. anpassen, das ist super!
hey, vielen Dank!
Ihr seid gut und vorallem mega schnell

 

[Ceci25]

Hey Ihr!!

Getraue mich bald nicht mehr zu schreiben *g*.. hätte mal wieder einen Text, aber diesmal nicht so megamässig lang ;-)
Kann mir das jemand ver-englischen??
Wäre lieb!

Danke und Grüsse
Céci

Einmal war da ein kleines Mädchen.
Ihre Welt war dunkel,
Ihre Augen sahen nur schwarz.
Kein Licht, keine Sonne, keine Farben.
Sie lebte in ihrer eigenen Welt,
lebte ihr Leben ohne Augenlicht.

Was sie sehen wollte, fühlte sie.
Sie hörte, was ich nicht sehen konnte.
Mit offenen Ohren ging sie durch den Tag.
Sie erkannte am Klang der Stimme, wie sich jemand fühlt.

Wundervoll, in was für einem hellen Licht die Natur / die Gegend / oder die Welt erstrahlt.
Das kleine Mädchen sah es nie.
Sie spürte, dass die Sonne schien
am warmen Kitzeln auf Ihrer Nasenspitze.

Es gab Zeiten, da waren es keine dieser heiteren Tage.
Das merkte sie sofort, als sie auf die Straße trat.
Es sangen weder die Vögel,
noch ertönte das Lachen spielender Kinder.
Dafür pfiff der Wind ihr um die Ohren,
sodass es nur so rauschte.

Traurig saß sie zuhause auf ihrem Stuhl,
wäre gern alleine am leeren Strand entlang gelaufen,
unabhängig von Lust und Laune anderer.
Doch erkannte sie, dass sie fernab des Durcheinanders der Sehenden
in ihrer kleinen, wenn auch dunklen, Welt sich geborgen und sicher fühlen konnte,
da sie nur das wahr nahm, was sie auch wirklich fühlen konnte.

Keine Blicke konnte sie je austauschen.
Doch reichten ihr drei Schritte,
um das Geschlecht einer Person zu erahnen.
An den Schritten Anderer erkannte sie den Bodenbelag,
Schuhe klangen für sie auf hartem Asphalt ganz anders als auf Gras oder Sand.

Sie bemerkte erkannte das Grün an Ampeln an den Schritten der Passanten,
blieb stehen, als sie das aufheulen der Motore vernahm.
Laute Geräusche und Lärm waren ihr unangenehm / mochte sie nicht
Als ob einem Sehenden ein greller Scheinwerfer ins Gesicht gehalten würde.
Fern jeden Trubels spürte sie ihre Sinne am intensivsten.

 

[desgraca]

ich klemm mich mal dahinter

 

[Ceci25]

Merciiiiiiiiiiiii

 

[desgraca]

also eins muss ich ehrlich sagen, was da beim übersetzen rauskommt, klingt keinesfalls wie ein songtext, und ich bezweifle ganz stark, dass man das sinnvoll singen kann....
ich werds mal in ner recht wortgetreuen version hier reinwerfen und dann aber nochmal versuchen da was singbares draus zu machen, ok? da wird aber unter umständen das eine oder andere textelement dabei draufgehn...

 

[desgraca]

a long time ago lived a little girl
her world was dark
her eyes saw nothing but blackness
no light no sun no colors
she lived in her own little world
lived her life without the sight of eyes
lived her life in blindness


she could feel whatever she wanted to see
she could hear what she didnt see
she walked through her days/from day to day with ears wide open
she could tell by the sound of a voice how the speaker felt


amazingly bright- the lights of the world
the little girl never saw them
she could feel the sunshine
by the warm tickling/tickle on her nose


came times/ there were times when the days weren't as bright
she noticed it the moment she set foot on the street
no birds were singing no children laughing (while they played)
the wind blew in her ears
with hissing sounds

full of sorrow she would sit on her chair at home
she would have loved to walk the deserted beach on her own
not depending on other people's moods
but she realized/understood she could feel save and salvaged in her own little (albeit dark) world
beyond the/(far fromt the reach of the) disordered world of those who could see
where she perceived only what she truly could feel


she could never exchange looks with anyone
but three steps helped her (to) tell a man from a woman
from another man's pace she would know the road surface as to her,
shoes sounded different on asphalt, grass or sand.


people's steps on the road revealed green streetlights to her
and she stopped dead when she heard the howling/gunning of an engine
she felt uncomfortable around noise and unpleasant sounds
just like those who could see would react to blinding headlights
beyond the reach of the tumults her senses seemed more intense than anywhere

nebenbei bemerkt stellenweise nicht grad das wohlklingendste englisch, aber ich wollt halt möglichst alles wiedergeben was vorkam.....ich bau dann mal noch ne freiere fassung

 

[desgraca]

so....



a long time ago lived a little girl
her world was dark
her eyes saw nothing but blackness
no light no sun no colors
she lived in her own little world
lived her life without the sight of eyes
lived her life in blindness


she could feel whatever she longed to see
she could hear everything she could not see
she walked with ears wide open
by the sound of a voice she could read emotions


amazingly bright- the lights of this world
lights she'd never see
a warm tickle on her nose
betrayed sunshine

and the silent streets told of rainy days
no birds singing
no children laughing while they played
just the howling wind in her ears

days full of sorrow
she would have loved to walk
the deserted beach
on her own
not depending on anyone's moods

but she found peace
in her own little world
so secure yet so dark
beyond the reach of a disordered world (dumme dopplung von "word", eventuell kann man aus dem oberen "world" ein "realm" machen)

she could tell men from women
and grass from sand.
a streetlight and a starting car
were never an obstacle
but she never met anyone's gaze/eyes

noise and unpleasant sounds
felt like blinding neon lights to her
but in perfect silence her senses
would seem more intense than anywhere

 

[farbijan]

Hm... ich bin irgendwie etwas zu spät. Naja, ich hatte die Übersetzung jetzt schon aus Spaß gemacht, deshalb pack' ich sie einfach mal dazu . Ist etwas lyrischer (sprich: abgehobener und noch unmöglicher zu singen ) als nate's ursprüngliche Version.

Once there was a little girl,
Her world was dark,
Her eyes saw nothing but black
No light, no sun, no colors.
She lived in her own world,
lived her life without sight.

Whatever she wanted to see, she felt.
She heard what I could not see.
With open ears she strode through the day.
She knew how someone felt by the sound of his voice.

Marvelous, how all of nature is bathed in bright light.
The little girl never saw it.
She could tell the sun was shining
by the warm tickle on the tip of her nose.

Sometimes, there were none of these happy days.
She noticed it the instant she set foot on the street.
The birds did not sing,
nor did children's laughter ring.
But the wind whirled around her ears,
and made them whistle.

At home she sat on her chair, blue as she was,
wishing to run along the empty beach by herself,
unfettered by their whims and fancies.
And yet she recognized that she could feel safe and sound,
far from the confusion of the seeing, in her own small if dark world,
since she only perceived what she could truly feel.

Unable to steal a single glance.
Yet three steps were enough for her
to guess the gender of a person.
From their steps she could tell the texture of the ground,
For her, shoes sounded entirely different on asphalt than on grass or sand.

She could tell a green traffic light by the steps of the crowd,
and stopped when she heard the fierce revving of engines.
She did not like loud noises or rackets,
as if you shined a floodlight into the eyes of those who could see
Far from any whirl her senses were the strongest.

 

[Ceci25]

Ihr seid toll

Danke!!!

schaue mir heute alle Versionen mal an

grüsse

 

[Ceci25]

Also ich würd gern etwas zusammenmixen... geht das so?

a long time ago lived a little girl / once there was a little girl
her world was dark
her eyes saw nothing but black
no light, no sun, no colors
she lived in her own little world
lived her life without sight

she could feel whatever she longed to see
She heard what I could not see.
she walked with ears wide open
by the sound of a voice she could read emotions

amazingly bright - the lights of this world could be,
lights she'd never see
But she could feel the sunshine
by the warm tickle on the Tipp of her nose

there were times when the days weren't as bright / Sometimes, there were none of these happy days
the silent streets told of rainy days
no birds were singing
no children laughing while they played
just the howling wind in her ears

days full of sorrow
she would have loved to walk
the deserted beach on her own
not depending on anyone's moods

but she found peace
in her own little world / realm
so secure yet so dark
beyond the reach of a disordered world

she could tell men from women
and grass from sand.
she could tell a trafficlight by starting cars and the steps of the crowd
but she never met anyone's gaze/eyes

noise and unpleasant sounds
felt like blinding neon lights into the eyes of those who could see.
but in perfect silence her senses
would seem more intense than anywhere

 

[desgraca]

das passt so, abgesehen von

felt like blinding neon lights into the eyes of those who could see.

-into+to (da gehn auch ne menge andere präpositionen und satzstellungen, aber so is denk ich am einfachsten

 

[Ceci25]

into to the eyes??

hmmmmm... ansonsten?

 

[desgraca]

nee, das into soll doch weg nur "to the eyes"
ansonsten findichs gut zusammengebastelt

 

[Ceci25]

ach soooooo, ja dann sag doch das

dankeschööööööööööööön!

 

[desgraca]

- heißt weg und + heißt dazu, ich wollte nur buchstaben sparen
gerngeschehn