Time

[Keithrichards]

Da man ja an Feiertage bekanntlich viel Zeit hat,habe ich mich dran gemacht einen Text zu schreiben,doch das beste kommt erst,und ihn einfach am heutigen Abend nach Lust und Laune runtergeschrieben^^.Deshalb müsste noch was an den Text gefeilt werden,vorerst präsentiere ich euch das Erstwerk.

Time

Standing there in this circulation of life
‘’Oh I’ve got a new book, it’s a joy too read
But where is my time?’’ I spending so much time
Working so hard, so tired when I’m back at home

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think

Visiting a book store in my town at night
‘’You know it’s very exciting to see Ron Wood for the first time for a book signing, but when I’ve got there it had been closed.’’ But where is my time?
Wages, working conditions so bad today, so tired to get up early to work, has anyone
deserve that?

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think

Dancing at a party on my best friend’s home, sounds so great
’’Dear Keith, I am sorry you’re coming late,
All are gone, isn’t there any possibility having time with friends?’’
But where is my time? Get out of this world, you’re going to hell
All you want to do is scream all kind of things seem so unfair

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think

 

[ETiTho]

Time

Standing there in this circulation of life
"circle of life" is glaub ich das was du suchst
''Oh I've got a new book, it's a joy too read
to read
But where is my time?'' I spending so much time
Working so hard, so tired when I'm back at home
My Work is so hard, I'm so tired when I come home

''Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?''
what shall I do?
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
so wie's dasteht bezieht sich das "it" auf "life". Lass das "it" weg. Und statt "there is no time" könntest du auch "I got no time", das würde etwas mehr betonen, dasss es um dich geht
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
has quit, just because; "at the park hört sich auch komisch an, aber ich weiß acuh nciht ob "in the park" richtig ist.
For the first time
I'm always one of those workaholics doing all to have more money in the pants
all durch everything ersetzen; Und ich glaube, du kannst das "mehr Geld in der Hose haben" nicht so wörtlich übersetzen, das hört sich etwas komisch an.
Oh baby, baby, baby isn't that enough to keep me alright?
that evtl. durch it ersetzen
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think
as you think

Visiting a book store in my town at night
''You know it's very exciting to see Ron Wood for the first time for a book signing, but when I've got there it had been closed.'' But where is my time?
Wages, working conditions so bad today, so tired to get up early to work, has anyone
deserve that?
"does anyone deserve that"

''Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?''
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I'm always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn't that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think
Refrain siehe oben

Dancing at a party on my best friend's home, sounds so great
at my best friend's home
''Dear Keith, I am sorry you're coming late,
All are gone, isn't there any possibility having time with friends?''
statt "all" wäre "everybody" wohl besser
But where is my time? Get out of this world, you're going to hell
All you want to do is scream all kind of things seem so unfair

''Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?''
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I'm always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn't that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think

Du hast dir zuerst auf deutsch überlegt, was du schreiben willst, oder zumindest beim schreiben ab und zu erstmal auf deutsch formuliert, oder? Das meiste sind Kleinigkeiten, aber der Text sieht halt nicht so richtig rund aus. Und du kannst "alle" oder "alles" nicht immer mit "all" übersetzen. Ansonsten sind ein paar Präpositionen falsch/nicht ganz richtig, aber die sind im Englischen eh für Deutsche recht schwer zu setzen, ich sprech da aus Erfahrung
Des weiteren konnte ich mir nie einen Rhythmus oder eine Melodie dazu vorstellen, es kann sein, dass ein paar meiner Korrekturen überhauptnicht zu der Melodie, die du im Kopf hast passen.

Gruß
ET

 

[desgraca]

Time

Standing there in this circulation of life
"circle of life" is glaub ich das was du suchst
‘’Oh I’ve got a new book, it’s a joy too read
to read
But where is my time?’’ I spending so much time
i'm
Working so hard, so tired when I’m back at home
My Work is so hard, I'm so tired when I come home

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
what shall I do?
should
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
so wie's dasteht bezieht sich das "it" auf "life". Lass das "it" weg. Und statt "there is no time" könntest du auch "I got no time", das würde etwas mehr betonen, dasss es um dich geht
on (all) the things i really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
has quit, just because; "at the park hört sich auch komisch an, aber ich weiß acuh nciht ob "in the park" richtig ist.
my girlfriend broke up
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics doing all to have more money in the pants
all durch everything ersetzen; Und ich glaube, du kannst das "mehr Geld in der Hose haben" nicht so wörtlich übersetzen, das hört sich etwas komisch an.
i was always one of those workaholics doing anything to have more money in my pockets (at the end of the day,,,,würd ich da noch anfügen)
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
that evtl. durch it ersetzen
ohne alright
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think
as you think
than you think

Visiting a book store in my town at night
‘’You know it’s very exciting to see Ron Wood for the first time for a book signing, but when I’ve got there it had been closed.’’ But where is my time?
at a book signing
when i got there
Wages, working conditions so bad today, so tired to get up early to work, has anyone
deserve that?
too tired
does anyone deserve that
"does anyone deserve that"

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think
Refrain siehe oben

Dancing at a party on my best friend’s home, sounds so great
at my best friend's home
’’Dear Keith, I am sorry you’re coming late,
All are gone, isn’t there any possibility having time with friends?’’
statt "all" wäre "everybody" wohl besser
everyone's gone,,,,,den rest check ich nich recht, was du sagen willst
But where is my time? Get out of this world, you’re going to hell
All you want to do is scream all kind of things seem so unfair

‘’Mama Mama Mama, what should I do?’’
My life is great but there is no time to spend it on all things I really love
My girlfriend quits, all because I was too late at the park where we fell in love
For the first time
I’m always one of those workaholics
Doing all to have more money in the pants
Oh baby, baby, baby isn’t that enough to keep me alright?
I say no no no my living standard is more miserable like you think

 

[Keithrichards]

Da habe ich wieder ein Schrott fabriziert ,ich entschuldige mich ansonsten bin ich ja nicht so Ideenlos,aber in letzter Zeit klappt es irgendwie nicht,aber das war auch jetzt schwachsinn sich eine Nacht hinzusetzen,ein Text benötigt schon mehrere Tage an Aufmerksamkeit,danke für eure Verbesserungen und Kritik werde sie mir zu Herzen nehmen.

 

[desgraca]

och mensch junge, nu mach dich doch nich immer so runter kuck dich mal um, dann merkst du, dass du absolut keinen schrott produzierst

 

[Keithrichards]

Thanks Nate nur manchmal ist es irgendwie sehr deprimierend. Ich brauch jetzt erstmal wieder was Zeit,um den Text was zu überarbeiten.Aber danke für die aufmunternden Worte ,und fertig machen tute ich mich sowieso so nicht,dass schadet nur.

 

[Keithrichards]

So da bin ich wieder,und diesesmal hat es hoffentlich etwas besser funktioniert,wie ich es mir gedacht hatte(von der Idee her und der Umsetzung der beiden Verse + Chorus).

Time

Standing there in this circle of life
All we gonna do is survive
Everyday and everyday night we are working so hard
For our wages, but what we’ve got is only for a while to survive
Spending money on taxes
Saving money in nothing at all
What games they gonna try to play with me?

Time is passing us over and over again
Give me a little drink helps me to forget what I’ve dreamed of
When I was child, young and innocent too
Time is like blowing wind slowly and fast
We can be excited every time
But what is left is just an argument

Standing there in front of my home
I was surprised glasses destroyed, empty house
Talking day and night but my girlfriend left me alone
She said I only think of working day and all night, drinking and dancing
Wish I was sober instead of being aggressive so that I could tell her the truth
What would you do?

 

[desgraca]

Time

Standing there in this circle of life
All we gonna do is survive
Everyday and everyday night we are working so hard
and every night we work so hard
For our wages, but what we’ve got is only for a while to survive
....will only last a while
.....will only help us survive for a while
Spending money on taxes
Saving money in nothing at all
die zeile check ich nich
What games are they gonna try to play with me?

Time is passing us over and over again
Give me a little drink helps me to forget what I’ve dreamed of
a little dring to help me forget
When I was child, young and innocent too
Time is like blowing wind slowly and fast
We can be excited every time
But what is left is just an argument

Standing there in front of my home
I was surprised glasses destroyed, empty house
Talking day and night but my girlfriend left me alone
She said I only think of working day and all night, drinking and dancing
all day and all night
all day and night
und normalerweise dreht man das um, dancing drinking, working all day and night.....wobei sich das ja dem sinn nach widerspricht
Wish I was sober instead of being aggressive so that I could tell her the truth
ohne 'that'
What would you do?[/QUOTE]

obwohls ein bisschen wirr, unzusammenhängend und durcheinander ist, gefällt mir das ganz gut, weil die grundstimmung irgendwie trotzdem ziemlich gut rüberkommt und diese "textfetzen" dazu beitragen..

 

[Keithrichards]

Warum wirr? Ich meine ein Mann arbeitet hart jeden Tag,geht einen trinken weil er völlig verzweifelt ist mit seiner Arbeit,und das er mit seiner Frau ärger bekommt liegt auf der Hand,weil sie denkt er wurde natürlich fremd gehen und nichts besseres zu tun haben.

''Saving money in nothing at all'' Damit wollte ich ausdrücken das der das Geld für nichts als Krimskram ausgibt den keiner braucht,dass er deshalb.... uppps ''Wasting'' wäre da richtig^^. Sorry Nate das war jetzt mal wieder sehr dumm.^^

 

[desgraca]

naja, du hast ganz oft kein "and" zwischen zwei gedanken, so dass es so aussieht, dass das einfach so aneinanderreihungen sind,,,,,so fetzen quasi

und lol wegen wasting

 

[Keithrichards]

Time

Standing there in this circle of life
All we gonna do is survive
And everyday and every night we are working so hard
For our wages, but what we’ve got will only help us survive for a while
Spending money on taxes
Wasting money in nothing at all
What games are they gonna try to play with me?

Time is passing us over and over again
Give me a little drink to help me forget what I’ve dreamed of
When I was child, young and innocent too
Time is like blowing wind slowly and fast
We can be excited every time
But what is left is just an argument

Standing there in front of my home
A memory I forgot is coming up to my mind again
Everyday and every night we had opened doors for every poor soul
Since my wife left me alone, the house looked like a rubbish dump
She said I only think of drinking and dancing, working all day and all night
Just living in a lie, seeing you on gamble every weekend with empty pants
Wish I was sober instead of being aggressive so I could tell her the truth

So war nochmal dran. =)