"In your head" - aggressive rock

[Search 4 Sense]

Hey,
jetzt wirds psycho und aggressiv! Der Song geht auf jeden Fall in Richtung Hard Rock, hat teilweise sogar Metal Elemente drin...
Textlich gehts um die Bredouille in die das Gewissen als lyrisches Ich seinen Besitzer bringt! Schauts euch an...

Do you see me with hands full of blood,
Full of tears you cried returning to god?
Do you see me satisfied now?
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How alone can you be? you need,
my help but you get a defeat!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

It's your fault cause I only tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason because you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your wise!

Remeber you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and this was bad...
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

Hoffe ich habe jetzt keinem Angst gemacht^^
wie immer die üblichen wünsche
danke & grüße
tomess

 

[wilbour-cobb]

Do you see me with hands full of blood,
"my hands" ist besser, "hands full" ist eher so "eine hand voll dollar..."
Full of tears you cried returning to god?
die satzteile haben keinen zusammenhang
Do you see me satisfied now?
nicht eher "can"? richtiger wäre auch, "do you see me beeing satisfied now".
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How alone can you be?
you need my help
but you get a defeat!
get a defeat" würde man nicht sagen, sondern "will be defeated"

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

It's your fault cause I only tell you what you've done!
hier ist auch kein zusammenhang
I'm the reason because you can't sleep at night!
"the reason why you can't..."
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your wise!
"your ways" oder "wisdom", "wise" ist ein adjektiv

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and this was bad...
"it" statt "this"
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

 

[x-Riff]

Hi search 4 sense,

doch doch - schöner text ... gut durchgehalten das thema, manches könnte für meinen geschmack noch direkter sein, fast abgehackt wie einzelne Gedankenfetzen ... aber das kommt auch auf den Gesang an ...

Auch ein Wechseln der Erzählperspektive / Gesangsstimme könnte hier sehr effektiv sein - da es ja kwasi zwei Seiten einer Person sind, man als Zuhörer aber erst im Laufe des Textes mitbekommt, dass das so sein könnte - also so ne Art Mr. Jeykill and Mr. Hyde - Thema ...

Also da steckt sehr viel drin in dem Thema - ich warte aber mal auf die zweite Fassung von Dir ... aber ist schon ordentich substanz da

x-Riff

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried returning to god?
Can you see me satisfied now?
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How alone can you be?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

Find your fault when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

danke
momentan gefällt mir der text so, muss mal schauen was sich musikalisch noch bei der fertigstellung ergibt...
vllt dann nochmal änderungen

 

[x-Riff]

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried returning to god?
Siehst Du meine Hände voller Blut
Nass von Tränen kehrst Du zurück zu Gott?
Das haut als ein Satz nicht hin ...
Can you see me satisfied now?
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!
würde hier eher so eine Aufzählung nehmen oder so ... in your dreams and in your nightmares oder sowas wie in your dreams becoming nightmares

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How alone can you be?
vlt. lonely statt alone?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

Find your fault when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

danke
momentan gefällt mir der text so, muss mal schauen was sich musikalisch noch bei der fertigstellung ergibt...
vllt dann nochmal änderungen

Yu - alles klar - dann hau rein ...

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried praying to god?
"Siehst Du meine Hände voller Blut
Nass von Tränen kehrst Du zurück zu Gott?" gemeint ist damit dass meine hände blutbeschmiert und nass von tränen sind, die der andre beim beten geweint hat (vor verzweiflung)... vllt mit while oder so?
Das haut als ein Satz nicht hin ...
Can you see me satisfied now?
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!
"würde hier eher so eine Aufzählung nehmen oder so ... in your dreams and in your nightmares oder sowas wie in your dreams becoming nightmares"
sry aber hier brauch das musikalisch den reim^^

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How lonely can you be?
"vlt. lonely statt alone?" jup passt danke!
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

Find your fault when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

danke, wär dir echt verbunden wenn du mir noch mit dem einen satz am anfang helfen könntest!
mfg tomess

 

[x-Riff]

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried praying to god?
"Siehst Du meine Hände voller Blut
Nass von Tränen kehrst Du zurück zu Gott?" gemeint ist damit dass meine hände blutbeschmiert und nass von tränen sind, die der andre beim beten geweint hat (vor verzweiflung)... vllt mit while oder so?

Do you see my hands full of blood
and wet from (the) tears you shared praying to god?
So ginge es in etwa ... ist nicht sooo supertoll - aber ist jetzt klar, was Du meinst ...
Ist denn sowohl das Blut als auch die Tränen von der Person die betet?
Dann ginge es einfacher:
Do you see my hands are wet
from your blood and the tears while praying to god?
Oder:
Do you see my bloody hands
get/are wet from your tears while praying to god?

Vielleicht fällt einem native noch was schlaues und einfaches und lyrisches ein ...

 

[wilbour-cobb]

meine hände blutbeschmiert und nass von tränen sind, die der andre beim beten geweint hat (vor verzweiflung)

x-riffs satz hat eine etwas andere aussage als das, was du auf deutsch geschrieben hast, Gerund geht hier auch nicht, da es sich sonst auf die hände bezieht.

Do you see my hands full of blood, wet from the tears you cried when you were praying to god

 

[metallissimus]

Do you see my hands full of blood, wet from the tears you cried while praying to god

Geht doch auch, oder? Ist nicht so lang und damit wieder näher an der ursprünglichen Länge des Verses, deshalb der Vorschlag.

Edit: Ich merk grad, dass es glaub ich grammatikalisch doch nicht korrekt ist, aber in Lyrik... ?

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried while praying to god?
Can you see me satisfied now?
I enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!

I saw you running trough the moonless night,
I guessed there was a monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How lonely can you be?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head!

Find your fault when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...
Say sorry or you're gonna die!

also ich sag jetzt auch mal sry und danke an metallissimus
dieses eine mal muss lyrik und metrik leider den sieg über die grammatik tragen, weils sonst echt nich singbar is...
oder kriegt ihr bei tempo 150-160 es hin "wet from the tears you cried when you were praying to god" mit schlag auf wet, you, were und god hin, sodass es noch nach was andrem als kartoffelsalat*zungenknoten* klingt?
danke, denke das wars oda?
tomess

 

[x-Riff]

Yu - dann lass das Monster mal musikalisch aus dem Sack

 

[metallissimus]

danke an metallissimus

gern geschehen

ich würd mich ja gern öfter hier (also bei den englischen Texten) einmischen, aber ich hab dann doch meistens das gefühl, dass es irgendwie überflüssig wäre...
von daher freuts mich natürlich, wenn ich doch tatsächlich mal geholfen hab.

 

[Search 4 Sense]

hallo leute,
inzwischen is die mukke recht weit...
dabei kam allerdings auch nochn part hinzu^^
also noch mal hier den text, würd mich interessieren was es noch zu bekritteln gibt...
als belohnung gibts dann hier auch maln link von ner brauchbaren version mit KORREKT englischen gesang

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried while praying to god?
Can you see me satisfied now?
Enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!
I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! Yeah!

Saw you running trough the moonless night,
Was the monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How lonely can you be?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

Find your fault when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!
change your ways!change your ways!change your ways!
change... your... ways!!!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...

So you can't find your peace right now,
I won't let you sleep till you admit...

each mistake you've ever done, you shall never betray your life!
I know it's hard to handle, life ain't easy I know what you think...
Don't start to cry, just stand your man!

Remember you can't escape,
So you've to change your ways...
Just live your life and give the best,
You've to struggle for your aims!

But don't head for things you can never reach,
cause it's so cruel to dash your hopes...
apologize apologize
let's calm down IN YOUR HEAD!

mfg & thx tomess

 

[x-Riff]

Hi tomess,

beim durchlesen sind mir ein paar Sachen aufgefallen, die ich zumindest flüssiger finde, wobei das natürlich Geschmacksache ist:

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried while praying to god?
Can´t you see my satisfaction now?
Enjoyed your fear unable to deny I'm satisfied!
I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! Yeah!

Saw you running trough the moonless night,
Was the monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How lonely can you be?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

Find your faults when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!
change your ways! change your ways! change your ways!
change... your... ways!!!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...

So you can't find your peace right now,
I won't let you sleep till you admit...

each mistake you've ever done, you shall never betray anyone again!
I know it's hard to handle, life ain't easy I know what you think...
Don't start to cry, just stand your man!

Remember you can't escape,
So you've got to change your ways...
Just live your life and give the best,
You've got to struggle for your aims!

But don't head for things you can never reach,
cause it's so cruel to dash your hopes...
apologize apologize
let's calm down IN YOUR HEAD!

x-Riff
*fürchtet sich schon voll und macht bestimmt heute nacht kein auge zu*

 

[Search 4 Sense]

jo danke^^
keine angst, so böse wie's klingt is der nich, disco rock halt
wär schön wenns nen native noch abchecken könnte, im zweiten teil des textes werd ich z.b. diese "you've GOT" und sowas auf jeden fall übernehmen, der erste teil gefällt mir eig so schon, wenn da nix krass falsches vorliegt...
danke
mfg tomess

 

[Search 4 Sense]

so,
mit dieser version werd ich jetzt mal weiterarbeiten...
könnt ja nochmal drüberschaun...
danke!

Do you see my hands full of blood,
Wet of tears you cried while praying to god?
Can you see me satisfied now?
Enjoyed your fear I can't deny I'm satisfied!
I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied! Yeah!

Saw you running trough the moonless night,
Was the monster chasing you and I was right!
I'm the bad one I'm chasing you,
in your dreams, they are nightmares too!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

I saw you falling deep
you cried,
There was no helping hand, there was no light!
How lonely can you be?
you need my help
but you will be defeated!

You want to run away,
but you can't escape,
I'm your conscience,
I'm in your head and I'm bad!

Find your faults when I tell you what you've done!
I'm the reason why you can't sleep at night!
The only way is to turn around,
To say sorry to the world and change your ways!
change your ways! change your ways! change your ways!
change... your... ways!!!

Remember you can't escape,
I'm your conscience, I'm in your head!
I tell what you've done and it was bad...

So you can't find your peace right now,
I won't let you sleep till you admit...

each mistake you've ever done, you shall never betray anyone again!
I know it's hard to handle, life ain't easy I know what you think...
Don't start to cry, just stand your man!

Remember you can't escape,
So you've got to change your ways...
Just live your life and give the best,
You've got to struggle for your aims!

But don't head for things you can never reach,
cause it's so cruel to dash your hopes...
apologize apologize
let's calm down IN YOUR HEAD!

mfg tomess

 

[MadDog_BoT]

Erinnert mich beim Lesen an einen Wortrhytmus wie bei The Crown - Angels Die

 

[nighthawkz]

Nur als Anmerkung: "stand your man" im sinne von "steh deinen Mann" gibt es so nicht. "take a stand" wäre hier die richtige Aufforderung - ich weiß, dass sich das nicht reimt...

 

[Search 4 Sense]

thx^^
naja vllt "take a stand, man!"

mal schaun wies bei den aufnahmen will...
mfg tomess