Hilfe bei Englischen Songtext

[Fabel]

So ich hab en Songtext geschrieben jetzt würde ich euch gerne mal fragen ob ihr ihn durchlesen köntet um mir zu sagen ob er grammatisch richtig ist da bich ich mir nämlcih nciht so sicher und schön wäre es wenn ihr mir ratschläge gebn würdet was ich verändern könnte danke im voraus



I felt her dislike towards me.
I didn't know about her presence anymore.
But now I understand it to be,
the one I really was for.


To be mindful of her made me dumb,
Somebody helped me to understand.
Her horror made me numb.
I'm glad now she disappeared.


Lies and cheats took over me.
Wasting my time 'cause I felt used.
But now I learned how to flee.
To watch out for the trick she choosed.


To be mindful of her made me dumb,
Somebody helped me to understand.
Her horror made me numb.
I'm glad now she disappeared.


My clock is still standing.
Begging that the time went by.
My body were controled by bending.
I realized how to see through her lie.

 

[LongLostHope]

Alles in fett hätte ich mal gern von dir übersetzt
Da kommt es mir teilweise sehr komisch vor.

I felt her dislike towards me.
I didn't know about her presence anymore.
But now I understand it to be,
the one I really was for.


To be mindful of her made me dumb, --> auf jeden Fall falscher Satzbau. Richtig: "It made me dump to be...."
Somebody helped me to understand.
Her horror made me numb.
I'm glad now she disappeared.


Lies and cheats took over me.
Wasting my time 'cause I felt used.
But now I learned how to flee.
To watch out for the trick she choosed.


To be mindful of her made me dumb, --> siehe oben
Somebody helped me to understand.
Her horror made me numb.
I'm glad now she disappeared.


My clock is still standing.
Begging that the time went by.
My body were controled by bending. --> "was", were ist merhzahl
I realized how to see through her lie.

 

[DerZauberer]

Ist schon reichlich "poetisch" bis "verwirrend" geschrieben.

Wirklich "falsch" sind nur:
(1)To watch out for the trick she choosed.
--> muss entweder "chose" oder "has chosen" sein. "choosed" is wrong.

(2) My body were controled by bending.
--> "was", nicht "were"

Den Anmerkungen meines Vorredners kann ich mich nur zum Teil anschließen - den Rest "kann" man schon so lassen, klingt halt seltsam bis ungewöhnlich, aber vielleicht macht ja genau das (und das Rätseln über die tiefere Bedeutung des Songs) den Reiz aus?