A Moment In Silence

[Keithrichards]

A Moment In Silence

Time passing us slow and fast
It‘s very quite outside in this world
No one speaks, no one cries, no one dies
Moments full of fears and despairs
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

A moment in silence
Leaving memories behind you
Taking time to thinking of past happening’s
Are you really sure that it seems to you like this?

Step by step
We reaching more and more, we already made it to the path
A book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
Shiny and shadow streets
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me

A moment of love
Taking you away from all of your problems you have
Do you think it’s true?
To be here right now, at the moment

Crossing hills and sees only to find you over there
The nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to lose it all for now?

Moments pretending the truth
Breaking the spell of you
Showing me your right face


Hoffe es gefällt euch , bitte kommentieren .

 

[desgraca]

Time passing us slow and fast
slowly
It‘s very quite outside in this world
quiet
No one speaks, no one cries, no one dies
Moments full of fears and despairs
despair
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

A moment in silence
Leaving memories behind you
Taking time to thinking of past happening’s
to think of what happened in the past
Are you really sure that it seems to you like this?
it looks like that to you?

Step by step
We reaching more and more, we already made it to the path
we're
A book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
Shiny and shadow streets
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me

A moment of love
Taking you away from all of your problems you have
from all your problems
oder
from all the problems you have
Do you think it’s true?
To be here right now, at the moment
this moment

Crossing hills and sees only to find you over there
seas
The nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
nature (ohne the)
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to lose it all for now?
worth losing it all

Moments pretending the truth
Breaking the spell of you
breaking your spell
Showing me your right face
your real face



finds echt bemerkenswert was du in letzter zeit so dazugelernt hast

 

[Keithrichards]

Danke Nate das kommt ja alles auch vom Sprechen und viel üben ,und wenn Deutsch mal langweilig wird redeste einfach nicht nur zu Hause in English sondern auch mit deinen Kameraden,auch wenn manche dann ziemlich erstaunt zu dir rüberblicken.^^

 

[desgraca]

mich hat hier noch keiner erstaunt angestarrt, wenn ich sie auf englisch angesprochen hab, und wenn doch, lags meistens eher daran, was ich gesagt hab, aber ich kann das ja mal mit deutsch testen
denn es scheint auf jeden fall echt was zu bringen...

 

[Keithrichards]

Hehe^^

So hab noch was an meinen Text experimentiert,fand den zwar schon gut aber nicht gut genug xD.Ich frag mich ob das mit 'nen abwechselnden Chorus überhaupt gut klingt was meint ihr?

A Moment in Silence

Verse 1:

Time passing us slowly and fast
It‘s very quiet outside
And the wind sings out loud
But we doesn’t take notice
No one speaks, no one cries and no one dies
Moments full of fears and despair
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

Chorus:

A moment in silence
Leaving memories behind you
Taking time to think of what happened, in the past, from now on, in the future,
Where I belong? Where I come from? How is my name? Who are you?
Embracing joy and sorrow
Are you really sure it looks like that to you?

Verse 2:

Step by step
We’re reaching for more and more, we already made it to the path
A book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
We crossing shiny and shadow streets
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me




Chorus:

A moment of love
Taking you away from all the problems, which comes up to your mind
Funny feelings, a stomach full of butterflies, a spring of love, a rising sun, falling leafs,
The season’s changing
Do you think it’s true?
To be here right now, this moment

Verse 3:

Crossing hills and seas only to find you over there
Nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to losing it all for now?
Moments pretending the truth
Breaking your spell
Showing me your real face

 

[desgraca]

nochmal anmerkungen,,,

Verse 1:

Time passing us slowly and fast
It‘s very quiet outside
And the wind sings out loud
But we doesn’t take notice
don't
No one speaks, no one cries and no one dies
Moments full of fears and despair
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

Chorus:

A moment in silence
of silence
Leaving memories behind you
Taking time to think of what happened, in the past, from now on, in the future,
Where I belong? Where I come from? How is my name? Who are you?
where do i belong? where do i come from? what is my name?
Embracing joy and sorrow
Are you really sure it looks like that to you?

Verse 2:

Step by step
We’re reaching for more and more, we already made it to the path
A book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
We crossing shiny and shadow streets
we're crossing shiny and shadowy
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me




Chorus:

A moment of love
Taking you away from all the problems, which comes up to your mind
problems coming to your mind
Funny feelings, a stomach full of butterflies, a spring of love, a rising sun, falling leafs,
leaves
The season’s changing
Do you think it’s true?
To be here right now, this moment

Verse 3:

Crossing hills and seas only to find you over there
Nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to losing it all for now?
Moments pretending the truth
Breaking your spell
Showing me your real face

 

[Keithrichards]

Thx Nate , fällt dir vielleicht irgendwas ein was ich an den Text noch verändern könnte?Vorallem ist das mit den unterschiedlichen Refrain in Ordnung?

 

[willypanic]

Hi KeithRichards,
ein schöner Text mit einer teilweise schönen Wortwahl und eindringlichen Bildern ist Dir da gelungen.
Ich finde ihn jedoch sehr kompliziert und unruhig weil ein Schema schwerlich erkennbar ist und Du auch auf Reime verzichtet hast.
Es stelle mir eine musikalische Umsetzung nicht so einfach vor. Gibt´s schon Ideen dazu?
Insofern würde ich auch die unterschiedlichen Refrains als ungünstig einschätzen.
Grüße
willy

 

[x-Riff]

Von mir auch ein paar Anmerkungen:

Verse 1:

Time passing us slowly and fast
It‘s very quiet outside
And the wind sings out loud
Äh - beißt sich das nicht irgendwie: draußen ist es sehr still - aber der Wind singt laut? ... als ein Auto blitzesschnell langsam um die runde Ecke fuhr ...
But we doesn’t take notice
don't
No one speaks, no one cries and no one dies
Moments full of fears and despair
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

Chorus:

A moment in silence
of silence
Leaving memories behind you
Taking time to think of what happened, in the past, from now on, in the future,
Where I belong? Where I come from? How is my name? Who are you?
where do i belong? where do i come from? what is my name?
Embracing joy and sorrow
Are you really sure it looks like that to you?

Verse 2:

Step by step
We’re reaching for more and more, we already made it to the path
A book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
We crossing shiny and shadow streets
we're crossing shiny and shadowy
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me


Chorus:

A moment of love
Taking you away from all the problems, which comes up to your mind
problems coming to your mind
Funny feelings, a stomach full of butterflies, a spring of love, a rising sun, falling leafs,
leaves
The season’s changing
Do you think it’s true?
To be here right now, this moment

Verse 3:

Crossing hills and seas only to find you over there
Nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to losing it all for now?
it´s
Moments pretending the truth
Breaking your spell
Showing me your real face[/QUOTE]

Ich finde den Text schön und stimmungsvoll.
Formale Elemente wie Reime, Silben- und Zeilenzahl tragen über die Form zu dem Eindruck von "Stimmigkeit" und Geschlossenheit eines songtextes bei, sind aber nicht dessen Bedingung.

Es gibt genug Beispiele für songs und songtexte, die ohne formale Elemente stimmig und geschlossen sind und wirken - da würde ich mich eher auf Dein Gefühl und die musikalische Umsetzung verlassen als jetzt zu sagen: formelle Elemente ungleich > haut nicht hin.

x-Riff

 

[Keithrichards]

A Moment of Silence

Verse 1:

Time passing us slowly and fast
It‘s very quiet outside
And the sun goes down
But we don’t take notice
No one speaks, no one cries and no one dies
Moments full of fears and despair
You want to breathe but you can’t
You are refused to make a sound

Chorus:

A moment of silence
Embracing joy and sorrow
Leaving memories behind you
Thoughts which coming up to your mind
Taking you away from all the pain, you've bury inside your shadon tears
And the season’s gonna changing
Can’t you see when you look into my eyes, it’s just a dream we believe

Verse 2:

Time passing us step by step
We’re reaching for more and more, we already made it to the path
And a book full of secrets untold
Was written in your eyes
We’re crossing shiny and shadowy streets
A trace for you but it means nothing at all to me

Chorus:

A moment of silence
Embracing joy and sorrow
Leaving memories behind you
Thoughts which coming up to your mind
Taking you away from all the pain, you've bury inside your shadon tears
And the season’s gonna changing
Can’t you see when you look into my eyes, it’s just a dream we believe

Verse 3:

Crossing hills and seas only to find you over there
Nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other
Do you think its worth to losing it all for now?
Moments pretending the truth
Breaking your spell
Showing me your real face

 

[Keithrichards]

So habe den Chorus noch was abgeändert bitte kommentieren .

 

[willypanic]

Hi Keith,
ein kleiner Reim,
ja das wär fein,
bringt er doch den Hörer heim,
muss aber auch nicht immer sein.

Zu Deinem Chorus: find ich zwar sehr vertrackt aber immer noch stimmungsvoll romantisch.
Und ich hätte da noch mal Anmerkungen:
Kannst ja mal gucken ob´s gefällt.
Grüße
willy

A Moment of Silence


Chorus:

A moment of silence
Embracing joy and sorrow
Leave all memories behind
Thoughts which coming up to your mind (hoppla, ein Reim)
They take you away from all the pain, you've bury inside your shadon tears
And the season’s gonna changing
Can’t you see when you look into my eyes, it’s just a dream we believe in (und noch ´n Reim)
Chorus:

Verse 3:

Crossing hills and seas only to find you over there
Nature crashes into pieces, but we evaded everything
Just to come close to each other alternativ (just for each other we careDo you think its worth to loose what we could share
Moments pretending the truth
Breaking your spell
Show me your face so I can tell

 

[Keithrichards]

Thx Willypanic für die gute Unterstützung und den anderen natürlich auch,ich bin den Text nochmal durchgegangen und dank eurer Hilfe ist was wirklich gutes draus geworden,nochmal danke an alle die mir geholfen haben.